• xo Robyn

@ 3:30am: "Which game would you like?" "'CandyLand' please."

This title is part of a moment of magic I had a few days ago that I felt to share. It was a moment of clarity and truth. And those moments--- benefit everyone. I hope you'll share yours with the world someday.

Let's back up and make sure we understand what this Magic is.

I've posted before about "magic." This energy that exists all around us, and yet we can't access it unless we intentionally LOOK for it. You can read about my first experience with this in this post.

The foundation of this idea, is that we are the creators of our life. Whether it is full of joy, gratitude, power and abundance or discontent, blame, victimization, and scarcity. THE CHOICE IS ALL YOURS. What I call MAGIC, some call Miracles. What I call magic some may call a moment of clarity. What I call magic, some call Spiritual Strength. What I call magic, are moments when all my cultural imprints and limiting beliefs are challenged, and the truth shines through and I see and feel immense JOY and value in everything happening to and around me! Moments when I feel powerful beyond measure. Moments when I know I can handle ANYTHING and come out better for it.

Such moments used to be rare in my life. Sometimes I would have to have them pointed out to me by others. If I experienced a magical moment inside my own thoughts and emotions, I figured it was a milestone moment that I should cherish and hold sacred and ponder on for days and weeks. I thought they were rare, because they were meant to be rare. Something so special and meaningful that filled me with such joy had to be rare. RIGHT? I mean.... it isn't "normal" to feel that much joy and happiness ALL the time. I'd been told since I was very young that life is a test. Life is not all roses and rainbows. Life knocks you down. Life is never fair. You only get what you work for. There has to be opposition in all things. There MUST be sadness and pain to be truly grateful. And while I feel there ARE threads of truth in those sentences, these beliefs of mine led me to believe that having joy all the time wasn't truth. That is just didn't exist that way. I was in error. Since that last post, I've been intentionally looking for magic in my life. I've prayed to my God to be made aware of the magic. To see the joy DAILY. To feel the power DAILY.

I admit, I don't feel the Joy and Power everyday- yet. I do believe now however, that we were designed to feel joy, and create joy, and truly ENJOY our human life. This life is NOT a test of will or righteousness. {Thats another post.} This life is an incredible opportunity to feel human joy! I now strive to feel and see this magic, this fullness of joy daily. I'm not there yet. Years of cultural conditioning and subsequent belief systems inside me need to be uprooted, and that takes time.

But guess what?

The magic is happening SO MUCH more often.

This is where the CandyLand title at 3:30am comes in.

I posted in Social Media last week about my toddler sharing a magical moment with me, and how it took me a day to figure it out.

See the post on Facebook here: MY 2 Year Old Taught me a LESSON

My toddler yet again, was the catalyst to enabling me a moment to practice seeing magic.

We went on a family weekend adventure this past week and the entire 2 days were FILLED with magic. I think it's the first time that I felt and intentionally recognized and noted this immense joy and magic for this long. It is worth noting that the 2 days before the trip, I had extreme anxiety. To the point of elevated heart rate, a full on ugly crying session, and overeating. My Christian beliefs note that Satan is the father of this feeling. Trying to kabosh our trip, that would bond our family even stronger and allow me to have this 48 hours of empowering magic!

The morning of our trip departure, my toddler was struggling with asthma. Results of 50 mph dusty high desert winds and a mild cold. It was to the point, where I had to administer steroids to help her get through the day with good oxygen levels. The steroids make her a little jittery, and her sleep cycles get off. I feel I should note that I was able to let go of my belief that moderately sick kids should not travel or will cause me stress, so the illness or asthma didn't hinder our plans.

After a truly fun few hours in the SUV driving south to our hotel, we checked in and found out that the room I had booked had been changed. The hotel was booked 100% full, and our room had been given to someone else who had booked before me and needed the type of room I had requested for some reason. The hotel put us in a handicap accessible king suite instead. I could tell the desk clerk was apprehensive in telling me about the room change, but I am learning to simply have preferences, but be ok with whatever happens. I simply thanked her for having a room ready for us. The relief emanating from her smile spoke volumes. This way of thinking is a key player in allowing more magic into my life! NO expectations or hard lines. Just preferences, but being open to all outcomes! Because---- something BETTER could happen than what I think I prefer. As I was about the leave the counter- I noticed a shelf packed with board games and card games. I inquired about them, and the woman informed me that they were available to check out, like a library book. Interesting! What a fun idea.

We enjoyed a great dinner out (we only eat out at a sit-down restaurant as a family 8-9 times a year) and spent a lot of time at the hotel pool cannon balling, launching the kids, and racing each other across the pool practicing all the strokes the kids learned a week ago in swim lessons. I was definitely aware of the magic happening! I felt SO much joy for our health! I felt SO much gratitude for this experience we were all having as a family.

We showered and settled down to watch some rare TV and eat popcorn in the hotel room.

Bedtime arrived.

Everyone settled in....... except my toddler.

She stood up at EVERY sigh, or cough, or toss or turn and would say, "Quiet! Time for SLEEPING!"

Instead of getting frustrated, as I had in the past, I just smiled and even giggled.

After about an hour, she drifted off. I had to administer a steroid inhaler every 4 hours to keep her coughing down. Having her in the same room with me however, offered me the opportunity to hear every junky asthmatic breath. Which made my sleep quality----- non existent. After a few hours of drifting off and waking up and drifting off and waking up, at 3 am the toddler was wide awake. I gave her some all natural oil protocols and a honey/ivy cough syrup and she was ready to play. I laid her down and hoped she'd see it was still bedtime and she would eventually go to sleep. She was so good. She talked quietly and sang cute songs and I couldn't help but smile. But I could tell the other kids in the family suite were stirring and my husband wasn't fully asleep.

I debated what I preferred happen here.

I preferred my husband drive through the national parks tomorrow. I prefer that he lead the hikes and help the kids rock climb. He will need a good nights sleep to do those things. I prefer that he help with the fishing adventures. So I will not wake him up to be part of this.

I could go pick up the toddler and try rocking her to sleep.... but she is 30 lbs and my back doesn't take well to that option these days. I could give her my iphone and let her watch toons. But honestly I think I'll fall asleep and she might watch for hours, which I know is not healthy. Then I remembered the games at the front desk.

Maybe we could simply leave our suite, and go down to the big lobby area with cushiony seats and a fireplace and play games until she gets tired.

I decided I preferred that scenario.

I picked up the toddler, and in all my nighttime glory of tshirt, baggy sleep pants, bare feet and bedhead, went down to the lobby. The night time front desk employee was an elderly man. He saw us come around the corner and asked what he could do for us. I said, "This little girl is not tired, so I hoped we could come down here and play one of your games for a few hours so we don't disturb anyone." He smiled knowingly, and asked which game we'd like.

"CandyLand please."

And oh the adventures we had with those little CandyLand men in the hotel lobby area! We had daring escapes from the Licorice king. We "licked" frosting off the game board for breakfast. We had epic moments sliding the little men down the back of the plush chair cushions.

My tired mind was reeling with the Magic!

Of all the things going on in the world.... all the wars, the natural disasters, the pain, the suffering, the death of my dear neighbor the day before, the financial misdeeds happening.... of ALL things happening in the world, here we were. Playing freely in a beautiful hotel lobby in the middle of the night near some of the most beautiful places on this planet. We were comfortable. We were well fed. We were being cared for. We were humble. We were grateful. We were filled to the brim with joy.

An old man also staying at the hotel came over to us around 4:30am and seeing the game out asked "Who is winning?" To which I responded looking at my daughter, "This little girl. Definitely." He tilted his head back and chuckled knowingly. He then looked right at me and said with a wink, "I had 5 daughters. And you know what? They will ALWAYS win." We shared another laugh and he went on his way. MAGIC. The breakfast attendant arrived about 5am and had a fun little chat with us. We had moved on to the business center by then and were drawing pictures on the computer paper. She offered my daughter some cereal and unlocked the milk fridge early for us. Then we watched some Disney Junior TV propped up on a massive stack of towels in the exercise room until 6:30am. At which time I decided we'd go back to the room. Dad had slept enough. ;)

I dropped in the bed and slept until 7:30am and then our day started.

We had the BEST day! The hotel breakfast was wonderful. The fishing experience was a Fish and Game sponsored event with instructors and equipment provided. I was so tired, I literally let the Fish and Game people take over the experience. The man instructing my kids was an elderly man who treated my kids with the patience and care of any amazing grandpa. My kids instantly trusted him and showed him all their catches with wide smiles and he would clap and offer all the praises. MAGIC. Would that have happened if I had not been so tired? I don't know. But it was pure MAGIC.

We hiked and climbed and had lunch at the perfect little shelter. The toddler pooped miles away from any civilization in the middle of the national park. We didn't have any wipes but I had a pull-up in the back. We knew we needed to change it or we'd be facing a very sore bum. My kids scoured the desert trail for any soft grass and brought it to me. They were so concerned with their sister and worked together to make this happen. No complaining. With a jacket offered up as a changing station on the ground, a water bottle offered up to wet her booty, and handfuls of grass to clean off the debris we got her 95% clean. We wrapped up the mess and packed it out. She fell asleep in my arms the last 1/2 mile and stayed asleep for 3.5 hours. I fell asleep for an hour and missed one of the hiking adventures. My hubby parked the SUV under a tree and left it running while we snoozed. I love that man.

Did I prefer to sleep all night? Sure.

Did I prefer not to have to change poopy pants with grass miles away from civilization? Sure.

Did I prefer not to be so sleepy while my kids and husband had epic adventures on some of the coolest climbing rocks in the USA? Sure.

All my preferences didn't happen. My toddler's needs had me in all sorts of unpredicted scenarios. My new system of having ZERO expectations, only preferences had me OPEN to other scenarios which allowed me to see and feel SO MUCH MORE JOY and feel literally MAGICAL no matter where or what was going on.

The entire trip was MAGICAL. I loved it. My family loved it. We talked about our favorite parts of the trip over dinner last night and the excitement of recollection on my kids faces solidified my suspicion that this trip was SO needed to bond us. The parts they remember are ALWAYS the unexpected parts! They don't remember bugging each other in the back seat on the long drive. They don't remember the perfect moments. They remember when they had to gather grass for their sisters bottom. They remember when that nice fishing guy clapped for their success. They remember that mom stayed up all night playing CandyLand with their sister. They remember dad helping them learn the skills to make the hard climbs they didn't think they could do.

They remember the MAGIC.

I have to also note that in the past..... like, all my life until my recent past within the last few years.... I didn't see magic in things like this. I had SO many expectations of how things SHOULD go, and anxiety about the unplanned events, that I would get tied up in knots about it. I would yell and I would be frustrated when things didn't go as I expected. I was constantly disappointed. I rarely felt love and gratitude for the people who were choosing to spend time with me. I rarely felt joy for the very moment I was in with a husband and healthy children surrounding me. I never thought missing an entire nights sleep could benefit me in ANY way. I would pack WAY too much stuff trying to be prepared for scenarios I didn't even know for sure would happen. Anxiety would accompany my overpacking.

I'm still learning.

I'm still trying to master this.

I feel that this is WORTH mastering.

When I feel that magic, I feel that it is the TRUTH.

I feel that those unplanned moments are actually planned moments by an orchestrator beyond our comprehension as humans. But we get to learn to SEE the value of them. We get to learn to intentionally look for the JOY.

Joy is something we have to actively find and feel.

It isn't something that randomly comes to you.

Have you felt the Magic I'm talking about?

Have you found yourself having too many hard expectations about your life to the point of anxiety or depression?

Do you feel that if you changed your thinking to preferences, but being open to the idea that some other scenario might actually not only be ok, but could be BETTER than your preference?

As I pursue truth, this is a thread of belief that has brought true joy into my life.

Something I now actively look to increase and apply daily to my life.

I hope it helps you find more joy as well!!

If you love learning how to feel more joy, and would like to learn how I found more good energy from my food choices, check out this post about my journey to Eating for Energy.



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