Have you ever thought or actually said out loud,
"I just know that my mom is going to tell me not to do this business idea when I ask her to help with childcare for my children."
"I'm worried that I will regret getting help with my kids and missing out on their childhood."
"I know my husband isn't going to like this business path."
"I'm just not that kind of mom... I don't know if I can do this."
Oh my friend!
I hear you. And the good news is, that you are aware of yourself. Being aware of yourself is a HUGE step in the right direction.
Where you might be getting off a bit... is how aware you are of OTHERS around you and the weight you are giving to their position and opinion on your path.
Statements like the ones above are born from a place of comparison.
At the core of comparison, is insecurity. Insecurity in how you are mothering. Insecurity in how you view yourself as a mother. Insecurity in how you are creating the thoughts and opinions of others. Insecurity in your ability as a business owner or whatever your dream is.
Which, feeling insecurity at the beginning of anything is HUMAN.
However, it is the great purpose of this human journey to learn to dismiss thoughts and patterns like this so that YOU can reach YOUR potential and truth. And friend- If you have those kids dressed, fed, and they LOVE you and you hope for all the good thing in their futures- you are doing a GREAT job!
When you are competing with others, you are trying on their "truths." And since they are not you, their truths can feel hard or daunting. Even impossible. Which is totally normal, as you are NOT THEM.
As humans we are trained to learn from others. But without guidance and confidence on where our worthiness and value lies, we wonder if the people we are learning from are somehow "better" than we are. More worthy. More valuable. Simply because they know something or can accomplish something differently than we do, we feel inferior. They might have possessions or a presence of space that we don't have, that we WANT, so we choose to feel insecure about our lack in that area. When we aren't in our comfort zone we feel a bit insecure.
Again- totally normal.
It is the MEANING you are assigning to this insecurity that will either enable you to move forward or will paralyze you into endless competition trying to prove why you don't have to do it that way or why you will never be that way or have those things so you can preserve your comfort zone.
"Insecurity competes. Confidence empowers." - Cara Alwill Leyba
Here is the lesson that I'd love to offer you today.
You can stop finding those phrases I wrote out at the start of this conversation in your life when you step into your power and stay there. Step into the truth that YOU and only you know what your calling in life will be. You and only you have the kids that you will have, and they were born to YOU with a predetermined destiny to be in your care. Whatever your dreams and callings are, those kids came here with the ability to come through it WITH you. If you are called to a career where they are in daycare, they'll be fine! If you are called to serve in a space that has them being cared for by grandma and she says she will care for them- those kids and that grandma will be FINE. Remember that you and only you chose your spouse. You chose their imperfections and they chose yours. Rest in that beautiful truth!
Of course at the beginning of any endeavor you've never done before, so you'll need a good dose of Grace for the (honestly often ugly) days of learning. (Heck... years later I am still having to dish up myself a lot of Grace for times when things have shifted and I feel nervous about how it's going to go down.)
You'll need a good dose of grace for the days when you feel overwhelmed and snap. Remember, this is what GROWTH feels like. It is not all rainbows and sunshine. Growth will feel heavy and scary at times.
You'll need a good dose of grace for the days when the kids whine because they aren't allowed to become TV zombies because you know as their mom that that isn't healthy for them. Walk past the little whiners and have faith that they'll find something else to do.
You'll need a good dose of grace for dealing with the days when you get to look your mom in the eye and say, "Thanks for your love and concern, Mom. I really appreciate all you do for me." Despite her loving advice that you might regret not spending every hour of your life with your kids- and continue to hand the kids over while you build the dream you are called to serve this world with for a few hours.
When you come to accept that your parenting/business/marriage isn't ever going to look like Mary's because Mary doesn't have your skills/kids/dream/calling/relationship, your feelings of confidence in your own path will increase dramatically. Here's the part you must remember though- you DO and WILL need others to help you. No one is here to do life alone. Or we would be here all alone. This human experience is meant to be collaborative.
Ask for help! Take rests when you need. Learn from others. Don't let pride or comparison keep you from learning from someone that has walked the path that you wish to be on.
Learning to distinguish between when you are comparing yourself vs confidently standing in your power and truth, is the skill that will allow you to use GRACE to elevate your levels of joy and accomplishment in all tangents of your life. Comparison leaves feeling like you are falling short because you are now feeling insecure about your choices. Confidence will have you feeling grateful for all the people in your path who are there to teach, support and empower you to WIN in your life goals.
You start to LOVE everyone more fully. Even yourself. :)
That's my favorite part.
When you stop comparing and start just LOVING those people who have what you don't or are suggesting things that you don't want to hear----- but who are CHOOSING to be in your space, everything changes! Your capacity increases dramatically when you are willing to accept the value others are offering you. Your capacity increases dramatically when you are willing to share your dream with someone that can help you in areas that you will just never dive into, but are part of the bigger picture you are trying to build.
You'll build amazing connections and networks of people that will help your goals come to fruition faster than ever. Add value wherever you can! Especially when someone has added great value to you, try to reciprocate in anyway possible. EVEN if it feels like a waste of time or $. Learn to listen to advice with an open mind, realizing that the person across from you just wants you to know out of love. Learn to accept constructive criticism. But through all of this, still REST in your confidence of your goals and your position on the path.
Rest in this truth:
The truth that your worthiness will NEVER change. You've been worthy of love and grace since your creation eons ago. That simply doesn't change. Your VALUE to the world was declared the moment you were born. You are here for a reason. You are here to fulfill a purpose.
I am positive that whomever is reading this was meant to read it. Your presence HERE, right now, crossing my path and reading my words is NOT coincidence or happenstance. There is something here I can teach you. There is something your energy from reading this and clicking on my blog will transfer for my benefit as well.
So my friend. REST in your confidence that you are where you are supposed to be. If you feel a lack somewhere, you simply haven't heard the right thing to enable you to get there yet. You haven't yet experienced the things necessary to be able to fully appreciate that next path. You haven't committed to the growth that is ready and waiting for you to be that person who knows that thing or owns that possession.
These beliefs take time. It takes practice to change a mindset. But it is possible!
All my love and belief in YOUR path-
xo Robyn Whitworth
PS.... if you DID read this, then we are meant to know one another. I'd love to add value to your life this week and get to know you by working alongside you in a FREE group I'm hosting on Facebook. It is called Salads, Soups and Squats! I'll share recipes, meal planning tools, and instructions on how to open up a major energy center of your body by doing squats! This group is for moms who are on the path (or want to be on the path) towards a healthy lifestyle and confidence mentality and belief system. Fill out the request for your email HERE, and a welcome email will be sent immediately with info on how to join our group!