Let's chat about scarcity my friend.
I KNOW that you grew up in a modest household. I know that your dad had a good job. Your mom was around the most and showed up to all your school fairs and activities. Your mom's hugs are your greatest memory of her love. But.... there was never an abundance of money. There weren't long vacations. There was always talk of "the budget." There was always looking at price tags and debating on purchases solely on price, vs value during shopping trips. Food was always modest and plain. Thrift stores were constantly visited, too. (Please know I love being thrifty and finding deals- I'm just simply painting the picture.)
Your parents constantly sold you on the belief that living below your "means" (spending less than you earn each month on living expenses) and "making do" with what you have was a sign of gratitude to God and a lack of worldly pride (1950's belief systems from their parents). Motioning in the partner belief that people who had these things must NOT be grateful, and must be "bad" for having Pride in their large homes and excessive belongings.
There crept into your young mind the belief that there must not be enough to go around. There must not be enough Job's that pay more money. For why would only a few have nice things? High paying jobs must be scarce. Maybe because..... there isn't a lot of money to go around? Maybe you have to really fight for money...
All of these ideas promote the idea that Scarcity rules.
That somehow there are people who have "wrongly" played the "game" and have more than others. That abundance is a facade of beauty for a black soul. Abundance makes for lazy families that don't have to work as hard, and don't build character from the hard work. Abundance is something to be shunned and looked down upon. Abundance creates a lack of responsibility financially, breeding a lack of ingratitude and greed. Abundance disallows for couples to work hard to stay together for comfort, love and creation, creating the risk of more broken families. Abundance isn't desired.
Scarcity however, RULES. Scarcity keeps the "rat race" moving. Scarcity keeps businesses in competition. Scarcity keeps people going to work and families working hard together. Scarcity keeps relationships together as they depend on one another. Scarcity keeps our spending in check and our dept problems down. Scarcity keeps people going to work day in day out to keep food on the table. Scarcity keeps people grounded and humble. Scarcity is desired.
Do any of these beliefs ring true? Unfortunately these are ALL MY OWN THOUGHTS until 2014. Sure, I started to break some of these beliefs down over the years as I gained experience with relationships and learned of others perspectives and how people gained financial success, but nothing was really changed in my own belief systems until 2014.
2014 was when I picked up my first "self help" book. I know, I know. I KNOW that a lot of people refuse to read them. I did too. And without the eye to eye, heart to heart chat with a business mentor basically telling me that if I didn't change myself through reading, seminars, and active tracking in personal development, I'd NEVER SUCCEED at building a business online I wouldn't have done it.
But I wanted change for my family SO BAD.
I wanted MORE for my kids. Not in the way of clothing, food or belongings. They had plenty. My husband has a great job and has chosen to be (and I support him in his choice) our family's needs provider. This "bread winner" choice of his motivates him, and fulfills him. I will never take that away or knock it down. He wants to provide for us and I think that is beautiful. However, although his wages cover our needs, they rarely provide any extra for those misfortunes that WILL and DO happen as well as some family FUN that is necessary too. :) We never had enough for vacations. We never had enough for gymnastics or dance or soccer. We never had a cushion or savings or.... a retirement or health insurance of any kind. His company is a small company with few employees, so "benefits" just aren't in the equation.
To help the family finances (we had some HUGE home repairs and medical expenses happen in 2009-2011) I worked at BYU-Idaho in the foods department as an adjunct faculty for awhile. I worked from home doing a network marketing business for a product that I just wasn't passionate about. I worked from my home teaching music privately for 8 years with an impressive studio. And you know, I am grateful for my degree in business and my desire and capability to WORK hard and to make $. The income I was making from teaching was helpful to be sure.
But it just wasn't enough to really make a dent. We were ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT MONEY.
In 2014 I jumped into an online business venture with nervous jitters and faith in my business partner. She mentored me well, and still does. It was she that told me about reading personal development books. It was she that told me to my face, looking into my eyes that I needed to grow as a person to be able to create the change I wanted.
I was offended. If I'm being honest my pride was hurt. I know, because thinking back I was thinking in my head while she was genuinely sharing this knowledge with me "she is wrong. I don't need that stuff. I'm confident and smart and I can do this without reading some mental self help books. And... we can't afford to be buying books anyway." When your pride is pricked, you feel offended and you think thoughts like that. You create self righteous monologues, instead of being interested in what they are saying and being truly coachable and malleable and earnestly taking notes you intend to act on. I clearly remember her reading my body language and saying quickly, "I know it sounds so strange to read books to improve. I know you can't imaging wanting to invest in books every month. But I promise you, Robyn. IF YOU are going to grow a business and be the effective leader you want to be, you will. You will find yourself buying book after book after book. You will." And......... she was right. I am. :)
The first book she suggested to me was, "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy.
I was floored reading this book. At first I had to MAKE myself read 10 pages a day. But by page 25 I found myself upset I didn't have more time to read. I was underlining things and writing in the margins, and it was earth shattering to me. This idea that hard work consistently over time would create momentum and that it would compound over the years. This idea that my own attitude and actions were the ONLY catalysts to the movement of abundance into my life. This idea that how much comes into my life is 100% due to my own actions..... things started to become clear.
And hundreds of books and podcasts and blog articles and networking conferences and more later-----------> here is what I understand about abundance and scarcity.
Scarcity beliefs keep people in a state of FEAR.
Scarcity creates a hoarders personality. The idea that you must keep things forever, for you might need them one day! Scarcity believes that things you have can be taken away from you forever, without you knowing it. Scarcity believes in once in a lifetime opportunities. Scarcity believes there is not enough money to go around. Scarcity believes that there aren't enough good marriages or real friendships, and that the ones you have might just be fleeting or solely for the other person's gain or charitable contribution for the day. Nothing is for real. You only live once. Scarcity believes that others around you are "better and more worthy" that you are. Scarcity believes that your story, your life, does NOT matter in the scheme of things. It's so small. Is insignificant compared to the world (or your neighbor). Scarcity believes that you aren't worthy of peace, happiness, and fulfillment because you will NEVER be perfect enough. Scarcity says you will never work hard enough or be pretty enough or have the right things to say at the right moment to change anything in your life. Scarcity says that if you decline on those donuts today, you'll regret it and you'll think of them all day and WASTE this day if you do so. Scarcity says that you should drive all the way across town for the gas that is .02 cents cheaper. Scarcity says that you should do all the things for yourself, by yourself because.... well..... no one else wants to work as hard as you do and your idea might fail anyway, so you don't want to drag others down. AND SO ON.
ALL of these things are based in FEAR of failure, FEAR of being less than, FEAR of being truly LOVED in your imperfections, FEAR of being VALUED and cheered for when you feel less than, FEAR of sharing our story because someone may not be edified.....
BUT WHAT IF WE TURNED IT ALL AROUND?
What if we decided that we COULD and WILL have an abundance of what we want in our lives?
What if we decided our story was going to be heard by a young woman just starting out who desperately needs your perspective to go on? What if we decided to stop comparing and start trying to empower EVERYONE around us? What if we decided to cheer on our spouse and value our friendships and believe that these people are daily CHOOSING to be in our space because they LIKE US? What if we choose to believe that our job matters, and our kids love us, and that our ideas DO matter and we ARE influencing others for good like we want so badly. What if we decided that people WILL PAY US for our knowledge and skills? What if we decided that people WANT TO INVEST in our product and our brand and our movement? What if we looked at the world THIS WAY?
When you look at the world with abundance, you start to treat people differently. You'll start to treat YOURSELF differently. You'll begin to see that those people who have the bigger homes and the nicer cars and have great relationships that you admire? THEY SIMPLY WORK EVERYDAY for those things to keep showing up in their lives and they are SUPER grateful for it, because they know it wasn't themselves that created it for them. There is nothing evil or prideful about that. People of abundance simply show up in their lives trusting that they are of VALUE, and they aren't afraid to expect others to transfer their energy (MONEY/services/products) in exchange to learn their story and skills so they then can more forward with that knowledge helping them. People of abundance are extremely grateful and never take things for granted. They are never petty or nit-picky or back biting. They have deep relationships built on trust and respect. They are ever mindful of the well-being of others. They always leave a meeting with someone asking themselves "did I leave them better than when I found them?" People of abundance see themselves as vessels of light, with plenty to share with others.
I KNOW that you want to make an impact. Every human BORN was created to make an impact. Thats WHY you feel that way! My friend.
BREAK OUT OF FEAR TOWN!
Go to the city gates, kiss your goodbyes and LEAVE.
Start on the journey to believing in YOURSELF and believing that there is MORE THAN ENOUGH to go around. Believe you are a vessel of light. There are MORE THAN enough customers for you that WANT to pay for the light and love you can give them. MORE than enough money for your retirement and vacation funds to be found as you act. MORE than enough podcast listeners to fill your line. MORE than enough blog readers to read and share your blog. MORE than enough followers on social media to get your message and LOVE through your light. BELIEVE IT, and abundance will start showing up, because you've ACTED ON CREATING IT, which will eventually BRING it.
Take the first steps by getting a mentor. Reach out to someone who is doing the thing you'd like to do. (Is it me? That would be fun! I'd love to work with you!) Don't fret about what they'll think or if you'd actually be able to succeed. Just ASK questions and learn. I guarantee they've got some steps for you to take to get you started. THEN-----> just BEGIN.
I'm embarking on a new brand and new online course creation as we speak... and It has me feeling ALL the jitters and self doubts. But every time I just ACT in the direction of my dreams----- the fear goes away and my love for my current and potential students and what my story and courses can do for them drives my actions and choices and I feel SO AWESOME!!!!! I feel GOD with me. I feel the FIRE igniting within me pushing away my adversary. Since 2014 I've created two businesses online. I have earned well into the 6 figures. My family goes on two vacations a year with my income. We have a retirement account being funded monthly. We have a savings cushion. We've weathered two medical crises totaling $250,000 in medical expenses within 2 years all paid in full as of today. One of my businesses bought our family SUV. My kids are involved in gymnastics, dance, mountain climbing and music. We still are growing as a family, as a couple and as a business and our goals are getting bigger and our influence is becoming broader. Since 2014 we've come a LONG way. My husband and I have changed our mindsets so much through personal development books, seminars, and good media that is available everywhere if you look for it. Abundance is truly knocking on our door regularly, because we create the space for it to be so. It is within YOUR POWER my friend. It's not a matter of being humble or prideful. Or good or bad. Its a matter of changing mindset through learning and practive, and the following actions that will take place and opportunities you'll see that you just didn't see or take before because you were blinded by scarcity/fear.
You CAN do whatever it is you've been debating on. If it will SERVE others and you feel a passion for the usefulness of it, You need to DO IT!
All my love and belief-
PS::::> If you are a Christian along with me, this perspective will be of interest to you. I believe that Satan is the author of scarcity. God tells us ALL THE TIME in scripture that he wants us to have EVERYTHING He has created! God tells us ALL the time that when we seek His kingdom (of kindness, generosity, charity, love, hope, faith, compassion, sharing our knowledge and skills freely) first everything will be given. BUT HE GAVE US THE CHOICE. We get to choose either God's way of believing in goodness and acting on it, or Satan's way of believing in scarcity and sitting in fear and never acting on the FIRE inside you that God created. Satan is GOOD. He makes acting on the FIRE God gave you look SCARY. Because Satan knows that if you grasp the FIRE, and actually act on it, he has no power over you anymore. But as long as you life in fear town, believing there isn't enough, Believing that you don't matter. Believing that love is fake or hard to find and that you must live in some sort of cage to stay humble and penitent and meek. That is all LIES from the Father of LIES. God wants you to connect and share and create a business with content that will serve and empower others! God wants you to cheer on all your business competitors in their endeavors and successes! GOD wants us to create goodness on this earth- not just live here. :)