Earning the trust of your Spouse for your Home Business

Friends.

Ladies.

My fellow wives in the trenches who are growing home businesses from our computers alongside kids each day who also have these amazing men we've chosen to go through life with.

This is an important conversation that we get to have. Right now.

Let's just put it on the table and devour it. Are you with me?


Ok.

If you are reading this, you are likely married to a man that has chosen a career and lifestyle that promotes him being gone most of the days to provide the necessities of life for you and your family. 95% of my following fits into this type of lifestyle choice. You likely have a home business that helps you to stay sane by using your talents and gifts beyond motherhood, and you greatly desire to contribute to the family financials as well.

Here is the thing.

I have been helping moms build businesses from home for long enough to know that for many of you there is this invisible permission slip to actually "try" to succeed in your business that says,

"ONCE your spouse agrees to support you, you can really go ALL IN!"




What does that even mean?



What does that permission you are seeking really mean? What does that word "support" mean to you regarding your spouse? Does he have to hold your hand through it? Does he need to hand over $1000 for you with a smile on his face and a pat on your butt expressing his undying belief in you?

What are you expecting from your full-time working spouse?

He has already chosen to support you and the kids.

He is ALREADY supporting everything you do.

What is it that he has to do to show you MORE support?

Do you even know?


Here is what I know is true from personal experience and from hundreds of conversations I've had with budding Mompreneurs like yourself:


Saying that it's hard to build a business from home "because your spouse isn't supportive" is an EXCUSE.


And the one thing I have gathered from stay at home moms is that they don't want to "waste time" working their business around their spouse when they already have so little time with their spouse. That is AWESOME. I fully agree! So DO NOT WORK WHEN HE IS HOME. You are in control of your time my friend. If he works full time, and you are at home you have 40 hours a week to work your business without infringing on his time at all.


I know- then you say, "But... the kids need me during the day."


Oh friend. If you haven't already learned that kids do NOT "need" you 40 hours a week, then here is your wakeup call to the truth. LET me be your voice of truth here because I care about you, and I care about your ability to care for yourself and serve the world. Your kids NEED you to change a diaper: 10 minutes. Your kids NEED you to feed them: 1 hour a day, seriously. Your kids need you to bathe them and facilitate getting up in the morning and going to bed at night: 1 hour a day. Seriously. Your kids NEED your love, hugs, and smile as often as you can offer it. But the rest of the day? ALLLLLL that other stuff you are saying your kids are pushing onto you, is YOUR CHOICE to allow it. You are choosing to put out fires, to referee, to sign up for the room mother opportunity, etc etc etc. YOU are still---- in complete control of your time. If this business is important to you, you will find a babysitter or day care in your community and drop those precious babies into the care of someone who will care for them just a few hours a day. The beauty of home business is that you can choose your hours! It's a wonderful thing! That daycare cost for a few hours? It will be NOTHING to the income you can create when you can focus for just 2-3 hours at a time. TRUST me on this. Women are amazingly efficient when they have time to focus. You will get MORE done in those 2-3 hours without interruptions, that you would in 2-3 DAYS with your kids around. And then----- if you are respecting your business hours, you will simply power down the computer, and you are FREE to be present with the family the rest of the day! Your hubby won't know a thing. Your kids won't know a thing. But you my friend will feel on TOP OF THE WORLD, and that feeling will rub off on your family! It's a GOOD thing. Oh so good!


Back to the hubby support issue-----

Have you actually ASKED him how he feels about your desire to work from home? Have you considered why you feel he would NOT support what you are looking to do to benefit your family? Why? If you are earning money and covering your expenses, what does he need to be in on it for? Now here's the part most women don't want to talk about. 90% of the time, the mompreneurs I talk to have a sticky relationship with their spouse regarding their home business because of THIS:


THEY ARE NOT TREATING THEIR HOME BUSINESS LIKE A REAL BUSINESS. Which leads to them in all reality---> taking advantage of his income meant for the family- for their own gain.

  • They AREN'T earning money to cover their costs.

  • They are using HIS money allocated for the family necessities to fund their expenses, which triggers massive amounts of guilt- as it should.

  • These moms are asking their spouse to "watch the kids" as if they are a babysitter for their own kids when they have work trainings or are creating posts or updating their social media or..... sadly..... wasting time. Um.... can we just squash that "babysitting" notion right now? If he's the father of those kids, he doesn't babysit. He simply is being their dad, and if you communicated it well and have shown that you are a great business owner with some income coming in, he will be happy to keep your office door shut while you earn money. Believe me!

  • These moms who feel this have NOT learned real business skills or set aside set business hours to really make this thing WORK and HE KNOWS IT if he gives you the raised eyebrow when you ask for assistance.


So my friend------- if you feel your spouse isn't supportive of your home business let me ask you this:


DO YOU DESERVE TO ASK FOR IT?

If you've started 3, 4, 5 or more home businesses and asked him to fund the investment promising to make it back and never did..... he has ALL the right in the world to simply state that there isn't evidence that you are truly shifting your lifestyle to fit the goals you've set out. It isn't a LOVE issue. (And btw, if it is... I suggest marriage counseling asap.) You are going to have to devise a way to change your habits and show him that it's changed or go get a loan in your own name to start investing in a new business and take ownership of the payments. That'll make you work. Will it not?


And what does his "support" mean?

It is important that you define what that means to you.


Does that mean he funds your investment? Is he your "Angel Investor"? (Do you know what kind of evidence you need to bring to the table for a REAL business Angel Investor {someone who invests in a business who isn't part of the business itself}?) I guarantee you my friend, that if you show up to your bedroom discussion table with a business proposal in hand with the NUMBERS to show how you will provide a RETURN on the investment you are going to make with your family's income, ALONG with your plan of WHEN you are working and how long, and your projected income..... you better believe that discussion is going to have a greater chance of succeeding than simply asking for an investment and promising that you will succeed. Especially after multiple experiences where there was no ROI.


AND THEN--------- if you agree that this investment is going to work, you better STICK TO THE PLAN.


My friend! I'd love to share my experience.

My husband was SUPER skeptical of my first home business. I talked to him for months and months about how it would work. I was a business student at the time, so investing in a business was something that totally made sense for me. We invested $3000 as poor college students who just had our first child. And you know what? I had decent success. I worked at it for years off and on. I earned back that $3000, but it wasn't pretty. I never worked it consistently. I just didn't. And I felt so guilty about it. I understood later that the lack of more success was a HUGE lack of understanding of marketing. I didn't know how to project my numbers and understand the whole process of how to make my numbers a reality. Another big piece of that learning experience was simply that I didn't have a true passion for the product OR the culture of the company. I just wanted income that was shown to me in marketing charts of the business meeting I had been invited to listen to. But on a whole, it was not a positive experience. My husband agreed, and we felt a little wary of home business based on the network marketing model for financial reasons.


Years later I organically had a transformation with a health product that shifted my life in a very real way and I found out I could open an online network marketing business promoting the product and lifestyle I'd developed. The investment was SO SMALL (less than $200), and the product we got with our investment was already part of our lives so it was a simple choice. I had a real passion for the product and its real effect on people's lives! I earned back that $200 in my first full month sharing my story, and my husband has been my greatest cheerleader through it all! He SAW me work hard. He SAW my transformation happen before his eyes. He SAW the money coming into the bank account every week.


He SAW it roll over to that first $100k.


Friends--- He didn't bat an eye when I let him know I had a meeting online at 7pm on a Wednesday night, and needed to be undisturbed. He just did what dad's do, and played with the kids and told them not to go into the office. I didn't have to convince him of anything along the road to growth and success. He doesn't ask me details about my business. He doesn't hover over my financials. I don't expect him to. Those actions don't mean that he is or is not "supporting" me. It just means he respects my work time because it MATTERS to the family and he sees the happiness it brings to my life, and as long as there aren't lots of negatives I am positive he will continue to just let me do my thing.


When I wanted to start another brand in 2018, a personal brand, he said, "Sure! I'd love to have multiple streams of income!" And that was that.


You guys he TRUSTS me because I have done the work. And because I honor him and his time and his trust, you better believe that when I sit down to work, I am MOTIVATED as heck to really WORK and do my crap so that this all pays off. Do you trust without evidence? I hope not when money is involved!


Some have argued that husbands should just "trust us because we are their wives!" And then feel offended if their spouse doesn't trust them with a business venture up front, as if it has something to do with their level of love. My friend. They LOVE you. They want to protect you and their family that they are committed to provide for. This is a money decision, not a love decision.

And money decisions, if they are going to be a good decision, come with some proven track records. Some references. Some numbers to show.


So what do you do if you don't have this evidence to show your spouse?

MAKE SOME.


My suggestion is to set a goal that your spouse KNOWS is hard for you, but it is something that you want. Maybe weight loss? Maybe no desserts for a year? Maybe earning enough to replace the carpet in your living room? Maybe teaching private music lessons in your home for a year to create a work/life/kids time management habit. Maybe start running and commit to a $25 registration (investment) to run the city 5k. Train for it. Eat for it. Do WELL. These things SHOW your spouse how you commit, schedule, take care of things, etc. Do it ALL on your own. Schedule the sitter for the long run practice. Go get your own race pack or set up the teaching times. Put $50 away faithfully for a year to buy that carpet. DO ALL OF IT on your own. Don't ask him to help at all. I guarantee you that after just a few quarters, just 3-6 months or after you buy that carpet he will see your consistency. He will see your drive. It's OK and honestly needed to show this to him if you've struggled with consistency in personal endeavors as a mom. Doesn't your partner for life have some precedence to seeing evidence of your goals coming to life? In fact I believe husbands WANT their wives to be achieving great things! But he doesn't have to be part of all of it or help you! He LOVES YOU AS YOU ARE, and always will. Believe it! But also don't feel weird about SHOWING him how powerful you are. How capable you are.


As he sees you do hard things on your own that take planning and consistency, he will be PROUD of you, just like you are proud of him and so grateful for HIS consistency in going to work day in, day out. If you do this, and you come to him with an investment opportunity to start your business, or invest in a business mentor to succeed even bigger, he will more than likely not have any hesitation to answer in the affirmative!! He KNOWS you will succeed at doing it and doesn't feel any of those past hesitations to protect you from a hard thing.


In between my first business venture and second venture I had a massive lifestyle shift where I changed my daily routine, my foods, and ran races and dropped -49 lbs ALL WITHOUT HIM DOING A THING. I did it all on my own. I made a separate dinner, and ate it without saying a word to anyone. No complaints. Not only did this show him my resolve when I make a goal, but it showed him that I could hold my own. That I COULD do really hard things and that I didn't expect him to change with me. I LOVED him as he is, and knew he loved me regardless. This was a powerful time in our marriage that I cherish!


The last area I'd love to be sure we address in this open discussion is the one about respecting your spouse.


Friends can we be EXTRA sure we are really thinking well of our spouse? Can we be mindful to think about HIS needs? Imagine ourselves in HIS shoes often and how HIS days go? How would you feel in HIS place, based on his evidence of how well you are a steward of your goals, to be okay with spending a large sum of income he was of the opinion was for the whole family for your business investment?


Face your reality my friend. Be able to take FULL responsibility for how well you are a steward of what you are choosing to take on. Be wise in your goals and situations! Take the time to budget, meal plan, exercise, and be mindful of your spouse. Heed my suggestions before asking your spouse about an investment for your business goals and you'll be on your way to a wonderful trusting business relationship with your husband that will last for a long time!


All my love and belief---


xo Robyn


PS. If you need assistance with meal planning, download this free meal planning blueprint taken from my post popular post last year! YOU GOT THIS MOMMA!






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